well, "what comes easy, goes easy"!
*crying* *again*
mandag den 31. maj 2010
fredag den 28. maj 2010
False positive or false negative :) 5+1
so what if......?
*S*
5+0 strange and new experience
One should think that I had tried it all. But right now I am facing a new experience. The test has been absolutely 100% negative since I was 4+1, which is 6 days. I have waited for my periode, but it never came. However, pregnancy symptoms are getting worse. How can a test be positive, then negative and then, as of today, suddenly once again be positive. Though it is very very faint, it was positive within 6 minutes. It is to faint for me to picturize it, but still. I am still pregnant. Entering the six week tomorrow.
This brings a small potion of hope into my life. I know it is stupid, because I will loose the fetish anyway. But still. I cannot find anything about this on the internet. No one has EVER written about this experience before.
But af funny thing is, that even though it is such an unique experience, there is actually another girl om Babyklar.dk (Danish site) that is going thru almost the same right now. Her test was faint positive, but never changed. 14 days later it is still faint. Unfortunately I have told her to give up hope. How can she experience a normal pregnancy when HCG dosn't double up, every third day. But she has tried this 2 times before. First time, she had a babygirl and second time, she had a spontaneous abortion. So she has infact every reason to believe and hope :)
This brings a small potion of hope into my life. I know it is stupid, because I will loose the fetish anyway. But still. I cannot find anything about this on the internet. No one has EVER written about this experience before.
But af funny thing is, that even though it is such an unique experience, there is actually another girl om Babyklar.dk (Danish site) that is going thru almost the same right now. Her test was faint positive, but never changed. 14 days later it is still faint. Unfortunately I have told her to give up hope. How can she experience a normal pregnancy when HCG dosn't double up, every third day. But she has tried this 2 times before. First time, she had a babygirl and second time, she had a spontaneous abortion. So she has infact every reason to believe and hope :)
søndag den 23. maj 2010
4+2
The pregnancy test isn't getting more clear. Still very faint. An average woman would go to the doctor, and they would possible believe she had either a "tube" pregnancy og perhaps even cancer.
But my doctor would just stare and ask: "So what?" They might take a urine test, but they would be able to see the faint color.
I might as well just wait and see, and I don't think I have either cancer or "tube-p".
I believe that my eggs are very old and fragile and that my body just can't produce hcg any more.
But I feel extremely pregnant. Swollen breast, all day sickness, and I am extremely tired - but most of all, I feel very alone. I have never met anybody, that fitted my shoes - which also makes me happy - I would not want this life for anybody!
(graviditets testen bliver ikke tydeligere. Den er ens og grå hver eneste dag. Selvom der dog kommer en ekstra streg indenfor 3 min. Og nej til alle dem der tror at en streg er en streg. Det er det bestemt ikke)
But my doctor would just stare and ask: "So what?" They might take a urine test, but they would be able to see the faint color.
I might as well just wait and see, and I don't think I have either cancer or "tube-p".
I believe that my eggs are very old and fragile and that my body just can't produce hcg any more.
But I feel extremely pregnant. Swollen breast, all day sickness, and I am extremely tired - but most of all, I feel very alone. I have never met anybody, that fitted my shoes - which also makes me happy - I would not want this life for anybody!
(graviditets testen bliver ikke tydeligere. Den er ens og grå hver eneste dag. Selvom der dog kommer en ekstra streg indenfor 3 min. Og nej til alle dem der tror at en streg er en streg. Det er det bestemt ikke)
tirsdag den 18. maj 2010
Miscarriage again and again (3)
How do I overcome?
I am actually a very sensitive girl. But I have learned to live with loosing fetishes time after time.
Or I don't have a choice.
Basically I have this idea, that when ever I get pregnant- the same rules apply for me, as for any woman who cannot have a child herself, and who is not pregnant.
Meaning, that when ever I am pregant, there is about 2% chance that I will be a mother. Luckely I was blessed one time, and this gives me "normally" hope, that it can happen again.
When I write normally, it is because I have given up hope. The average hope!
For whenever I am pregnant again, I gain hope - like right now - only to end it again within a short periode of time. I usually loose the fetish before week 7- and being older, it is getting sooner and sooner.
But once a hand-reader told me that I was supposed to have 2 children, and there is still time.
To day I am pregnant. I am 3 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Not much. Perhaps my periode will come in a few days, perhaps it will come in 3 weeks. we will see
I am actually a very sensitive girl. But I have learned to live with loosing fetishes time after time.
Or I don't have a choice.
Basically I have this idea, that when ever I get pregnant- the same rules apply for me, as for any woman who cannot have a child herself, and who is not pregnant.
Meaning, that when ever I am pregant, there is about 2% chance that I will be a mother. Luckely I was blessed one time, and this gives me "normally" hope, that it can happen again.
When I write normally, it is because I have given up hope. The average hope!
For whenever I am pregnant again, I gain hope - like right now - only to end it again within a short periode of time. I usually loose the fetish before week 7- and being older, it is getting sooner and sooner.
But once a hand-reader told me that I was supposed to have 2 children, and there is still time.
To day I am pregnant. I am 3 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Not much. Perhaps my periode will come in a few days, perhaps it will come in 3 weeks. we will see
3+4Miscarriage again and again (2)
Oh yes, I am pregnant again - or should I be happy...?
well I am not, though I am hopeful.
This is my 32th pregnancy, and only one of these, worked out and gave me a wonderful son. He is now 3,5 years old.(2010)
I had my first spontaneous abortion in 1989. It has been 20 hard years, with absolutely no understanding from anyone. I have felt extremely alone. I must tell that my first doctor told me, other Spontaneous abortion no. 9 - that perhaps I just hadn't met the right man. (as if). When I finally met "mr. right" I gave up. He was to wonderful, and I would rather adopt. However, after a couple of miscarriages, we finally had a son. He was supposed to be "spontaneous abortion no. 16.)but he was a true winner, and I even went overtime.
Today I am pregnant again, and again this is no. 16 since I gave birth to my son.
However I have learned that it dosn't help me to be superstitious, meaning, that all good times three, dos not work for me.
In fact, nothing work.
I am not drinking, not smoking, not eating fat, not drinking coffee, not being alive and I have hormone pain in my body, for being pregnant each month.
you know what some of the people who cannot get pregnant tell me?! They are envious because I get pregnant so easily:(
Hell I would love to switch any day. besides they all have children now, in fact all of them have 2 children.
Anyway, being almost 40 years old, I have made up my mind. I am quitting. No not really. I mean the hospital gave up on my. I have a genetic disorder chromosome error(15;16)and lack of mannose binding lectin- and it is causing the loss.
However, I don't produce many eggs and some of them dosn't work.
In Denmark I cannot get help on private hospitals,as they are not allowed to sort eggs. And public hospitals has given op.
So I am left - again- :(
Since my husband and I would like more children, it is impossible for us, to use condoms or pills. We simply cannot do that, for what if?! And I get pregnant very easy!
Almost every month.
Yes it is hard. True - but it is my life, and what I am used to.
Why did I start this blog: well, I hope that I can help others. Either to overcome a miscarriage or teach the how to get thru a large number of miscarriages.
Also I would like to hear from anyone, that is similar to me.
I hope you forgive me for writing errors. I am Danish and English is not my native language (Though I have lived in the US for 2 years)
well I am not, though I am hopeful.
This is my 32th pregnancy, and only one of these, worked out and gave me a wonderful son. He is now 3,5 years old.(2010)
I had my first spontaneous abortion in 1989. It has been 20 hard years, with absolutely no understanding from anyone. I have felt extremely alone. I must tell that my first doctor told me, other Spontaneous abortion no. 9 - that perhaps I just hadn't met the right man. (as if). When I finally met "mr. right" I gave up. He was to wonderful, and I would rather adopt. However, after a couple of miscarriages, we finally had a son. He was supposed to be "spontaneous abortion no. 16.)but he was a true winner, and I even went overtime.
Today I am pregnant again, and again this is no. 16 since I gave birth to my son.
However I have learned that it dosn't help me to be superstitious, meaning, that all good times three, dos not work for me.
In fact, nothing work.
I am not drinking, not smoking, not eating fat, not drinking coffee, not being alive and I have hormone pain in my body, for being pregnant each month.
you know what some of the people who cannot get pregnant tell me?! They are envious because I get pregnant so easily:(
Hell I would love to switch any day. besides they all have children now, in fact all of them have 2 children.
Anyway, being almost 40 years old, I have made up my mind. I am quitting. No not really. I mean the hospital gave up on my. I have a genetic disorder chromosome error(15;16)and lack of mannose binding lectin- and it is causing the loss.
However, I don't produce many eggs and some of them dosn't work.
In Denmark I cannot get help on private hospitals,as they are not allowed to sort eggs. And public hospitals has given op.
So I am left - again- :(
Since my husband and I would like more children, it is impossible for us, to use condoms or pills. We simply cannot do that, for what if?! And I get pregnant very easy!
Almost every month.
Yes it is hard. True - but it is my life, and what I am used to.
Why did I start this blog: well, I hope that I can help others. Either to overcome a miscarriage or teach the how to get thru a large number of miscarriages.
Also I would like to hear from anyone, that is similar to me.
I hope you forgive me for writing errors. I am Danish and English is not my native language (Though I have lived in the US for 2 years)
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